The Beer Belly.

There’s this awkward moment when you meet a guy who looks cute, has good style, and seems cool, but then you realize he has a beer belly. Sometimes these guys can relatively hide it with the right attire, but then they take their shirts off and their beer belly comes bounding out totally exposed. It’s like  a huge beach ball generally pouring over the edge of their shorts/pants/boxers. Sometimes there’s even some pube hair creeping out because the shorts need to ride low enough to “fit” around the belly.

Some guys rock this look proud of their bellies because their like, “look bros, I can drink beer”, or “I’m a craft beer connoisseur”, or “I brew beer”, or “I don’t care, I can do whatever I want”, or “I’ve always longed to be a frat guy, and this gives me the ticket in”, or “I’m a man, see my belly? It proves it” or “duuuudddeee I’m so into partying, doesn’t that make me cool?”,  or “I don’t need to work out, you can’t make me!” or “my grandpa had one, my dad had one, so now I will have one” or “beer is the only thing that makes sense anymore” or maybe just maybe, “I’m a true feminist and I’m rocking this belly to know what it feels like to be pregnant.” Ok that last one was a stretch, we both know that’s not true.

So yea, we get it, you’re ok with your beer belly. In fact, you’ve probably stopped trying to get rid of the thing because it’s just there and a little sneak peak out of the shirt is just luring the girls in left and right. That was also a stretch. Or was it just the “stretch marks” you’ll get when you keep letting that thing grow bigger? Badum tish! I kid, I kid. I would only make a joke like that when referring to people who enjoy being kind of fat and make a point to try and make it trendy by consuming copious amounts of beer.

If you didn’t know, beer makes you fat. If you don’t supplement your beer consumption with exercise, you will have a huge gut. Sometimes even if you do work out you’ll still have a huge gut, because it’s just the nature of the beer beast.

Here are several reasons why having a beer belly is not attractive:

1. It makes you look fat
2. It’s the first thing people see when they look at you
3. You will get pre-judged for either being lazy, an alcoholic, or someone that doesn’t care about the state of their appearance
4. You will most likely break a major sweat (in a bad way) if you try and exercise
5. Generally you will put off an unpleasant smell – either from B.O. or wreak like booze (all.the.time)
6. You will crush skinny girls in the missionary position while getting it on
7. It can feel bloated to the touch, so it doesn’t double as well as a pillow nor aid in giving you the title of “cuddly bear”
8. You will have to buy clothes that accommodate your belly, and work around it when picking your outfit
9. What will it look like when you’re old? Saggy, wrinkly, hairy protruding from your pants and busting buttons?
10. You will generally be less motivated to do cool things and treat your lady with importance
11. You’re belly isn’t masking your insecurities
12. Massive beer consumption can lead to health issues
13. The more beer you consume, the bigger it will get – it’s science

Having a beer belly doesn’t disqualify you from the dating pool, however, it doesn’t increase your chances. Girls generally don’t like it – unless they make a point to be a booze hound right along with you – but they will tolerate it. Much of the time I’ve noticed that guys will decide to get in shape, meet a girl, they will start dating, it will become serious, the guy will develop a beer gut, they become less and less attractive to their gf’s, they then will get laid less, the girl will either stop trying or work out more to try and encourage them to get back into shape, and it will either work or not work.

Instead of just raining on your parade, I’ll give you a couple helpful solutions:

• drink less beer and/or lighter beers (you’re asking for it w/ IPAs)
• become more physically active – go to the gym at least 3-4x/week, jog, surf, bike ride, hike, etc
• start cooking at home more, instead of grabbing burritos and pizza every day
• eat more leafy greens
• drink more water – stay hydrated
• drink green smoothies
• detox from time to time

All in all, beer bellies aren’t attractive. You’d be surprised how much better you’d feel physically and mentally if you did away with that thing. Also, just think about it a bit. Do girls eyes dart frantically towards the guy that walks in with a beer belly or to the guys that are in shape and confident? I’ll let you decide for yourself.

Running Sneakers & Jeans. Just Stop.

If there is one thing that really gets my goat, it is when I see people wearing running sneakers and jeans. It’s the worst fashion mistake ever. I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing running sneakers and jeans. Why? Because it’s FUGLY, and that’s putting it lightly.

Key point: Running sneakers have this name because they are meant to be worn while working out. Not with jeans. With workout clothes. Generally if a shoe has a name like “hiking boots,” “running sneakers,” then why in the hell are you pairing them with jeans? Just no.

I’m referring to both men and women here. No one should ever wear running sneakers and jeans. Don’t even wear them alone at your house, because then you might get it in your head that no one would notice if you wore them casually to walk your dog, or to the store. Then next thing you know, you are wearing them to hang out with friends or go to work. NO JUST STOP. Like I said it is a horrible fashion mistake, but luckily one that is easy to fix. Just don’t do it…anywhere…ever.

Wearing cool shoes in general spells out your level of hipness, so it’s important to choose wisely. If you want to wear a sneaker, try slip-on or tie-up Vans or Converse. Or even Toms. You can even get leather Vans which are cool too. There are many other brands that are similar to the Vans style that look good as well. On top of that,  boots are all the rage and are a great choice paired with the right jeans or pants. If you get a couple of options, you don’t even need to consider the wretched, god awful running sneaker as your shoe of choice. A couple of examples of cool sneaker looks are below for both men and women:

Here are a couple of other ugly shoe choices in case you were wondering (just because):

 

If you read the words in this post and you’re still convinced it’s ok, then let me tell you another reason. People will judge you for it. It sounds harsh, but in all fairness you are choosing to wear this combo. Girls will write-off guys simply because they are wearing ugly shoes. It shows us you have a major lack of style, and could even portray a low self-esteem or flat out cluelessness. For girls, it looks like you are lacking major style (aka homely and/or dumpy). It’s also kind of embarrassing in public.  If you can avoid it, why cause the confusion? If you can make a little effort to look cooler, why not do it?

Style Matters, Duh.

I’ve come across a bunch of dudes that think that their style doesn’t matter. The girls I’ve spoken to get that style matters and just need some advice. So what’s the deal? It’s the strangest thing, and I usually will display a truly baffled expression to these guys that says something like, “what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you?” Well no, I gently pat them on the arm and coo them into submission of the realization that everything is going to be ok now that they know they are misguided…

So, the rather amusing piece is that these same guys want girls that are very stylish. Specifically, they want girls that “look high maintenance but are super chill and mellow.” Come on, you guys know that isn’t real right? Basically the mindset is that these boys can dress like a schlump, but expect to land a super hot chick that will see past that fact, jump into their arms, and sail away into the sunset. In your dreams. No literally, IN.YOUR.DREAMS. Unless you are loaded or famous. Then sometimes you can get away with sloppy shit, but I can tell you right now, the lady would prefer you put some effort in so she wouldn’t be slightly embarrassed to be seen with you in public.  So to be clear: if a girl is going to put A LOT of effort into her looks at all times, she is most likely going to be high maintenance. You’re gonna have to work no matter what, but just depends how hard and how much she expects you to do. However, there are a lot of girls that are smokin’ hot with their own personal style that rocks.

I know what you are thinking, that you can just roll out of bed and look hot, you don’t have to try after that. Well even if your hair looks good, it doesn’t mean your outfit does. There might be other guys that say they just don’t give a shit and the girls they want shouldn’t care either – they should accept them for who they are. Yea yea, I know we learned this phrase as young kids, “you are special just the way you are.” Well, at least my Dad gave me that phrase on a pin and the Native Americans also told me I’m special because of the brown spot in my eye. Ok I digress, but what I’m saying is, just because you might be a cool person does not mean you can dress like crap. If you dress like you don’t care and look sloppy, that’s what other people will see and might not give you the time of day. Do you really want to be discounted just because you didn’t care to dress yourself? I think not. Style is power, and that is the truth.

Having good style doesn’t just mean putting on a decent shirt. It’s the whole package. Go all in. If you’re going to wear a decent outfit, pair it with cool shoes. It’s the absolute worst when I see a guy that looks good until I get past his knees and he is wearing ugly ass shoes. It kills it. Below is a style examination from the eyes of the ladies when we see you:

• face: looks good
• body: decent or doable
• hair: hot
• clothes: ew OR clothes: hmm ok OR clothes: cool
• shoes: oh.god.no.please.shield.my.eyes.from.the.sheer.terror. OR shoes: nice, lets talk

You can’t look like a shmuck to attract hot girls, because they notice. I can’t stress enough how important style is in your pursuit to attract the type of girl you are going for.

PS: if you’re with a girl and she is trying to change your style, be open to it. She will think you look sexy in the clothes she picks out for you, and your style probably needs some help if she is majorly hinting at it. Be open to her suggestions 🙂