There’s this awkward moment when you meet a guy who looks cute, has good style, and seems cool, but then you realize he has a beer belly. Sometimes these guys can relatively hide it with the right attire, but then they take their shirts off and their beer belly comes bounding out totally exposed. It’s like a huge beach ball generally pouring over the edge of their shorts/pants/boxers. Sometimes there’s even some pube hair creeping out because the shorts need to ride low enough to “fit” around the belly.
Some guys rock this look proud of their bellies because their like, “look bros, I can drink beer”, or “I’m a craft beer connoisseur”, or “I brew beer”, or “I don’t care, I can do whatever I want”, or “I’ve always longed to be a frat guy, and this gives me the ticket in”, or “I’m a man, see my belly? It proves it” or “duuuudddeee I’m so into partying, doesn’t that make me cool?”, or “I don’t need to work out, you can’t make me!” or “my grandpa had one, my dad had one, so now I will have one” or “beer is the only thing that makes sense anymore” or maybe just maybe, “I’m a true feminist and I’m rocking this belly to know what it feels like to be pregnant.” Ok that last one was a stretch, we both know that’s not true.
So yea, we get it, you’re ok with your beer belly. In fact, you’ve probably stopped trying to get rid of the thing because it’s just there and a little sneak peak out of the shirt is just luring the girls in left and right. That was also a stretch. Or was it just the “stretch marks” you’ll get when you keep letting that thing grow bigger? Badum tish! I kid, I kid. I would only make a joke like that when referring to people who enjoy being kind of fat and make a point to try and make it trendy by consuming copious amounts of beer.
If you didn’t know, beer makes you fat. If you don’t supplement your beer consumption with exercise, you will have a huge gut. Sometimes even if you do work out you’ll still have a huge gut, because it’s just the nature of the beer beast.
Here are several reasons why having a beer belly is not attractive:
- It makes you look fat
- It’s the first thing people see when they look at you
- You will get pre-judged for either being lazy, an alcoholic, or someone that doesn’t care about the state of their appearance
- You will most likely break a major sweat (in a bad way) if you try and exercise
- Generally you will put off an unpleasant smell – either from B.O. or wreak like booze (all.the.time)
- You will crush skinny girls in the missionary position while getting it on
- It can feel bloated to the touch, so it doesn’t double as well as a pillow nor aid in giving you the title of “cuddly bear”
- You will have to buy clothes that accommodate your belly, and work around it when picking your outfit
- What will it look like when you’re old? Saggy, wrinkly, hairy protruding from your pants and busting buttons?
- You will generally be less motivated to do cool things and treat your lady with importance
- You’re belly isn’t masking your insecurities
- Massive beer consumption can lead to health issues
- The more beer you consume, the bigger it will get – it’s science
Having a beer belly doesn’t disqualify you from the dating pool, however, it doesn’t increase your chances. Girls generally don’t like it – unless they make a point to be a booze hound right along with you – but they will tolerate it. Much of the time I’ve noticed that guys will decide to get in shape, meet a girl, they will start dating, it will become serious, the guy will develop a beer gut, they become less and less attractive to their gf’s, they then will get laid less, the girl will either stop trying or work out more to try and encourage them to get back into shape, and it will either work or not work.
Instead of just raining on your parade, I’ll give you a couple helpful solutions:
- drink less beer and/or lighter beers (you’re asking for it w/ IPAs)
- become more physically active – go to the gym at least 3-4x/week, jog, surf, bike ride, hike, etc
- start cooking at home more, instead of grabbing burritos and pizza every day
- eat more leafy greens
- drink more water – stay hydrated
- drink green smoothies
- detox from time to time
All in all, beer bellies aren’t attractive. You’d be surprised how much better you’d feel physically and mentally if you did away with that thing. Also, just think about it a bit. Do girls eyes dart frantically towards the guy that walks in with a beer belly or to the guys that are in shape and confident? I’ll let you decide for yourself.
Stylish Wing Girl 